Must romance fiction be dumb? Is insulting one’s intelligence a prerequisite to the genre? I don’t normally read this sort of thing, this was more of an experiment that turned out to be a confirmation of my theory that lamentably the answer to those questions might be a resounding yes.
I watched a documentary program about romance genre once, which actually heavily featured this publisher and these types of happily ever after slices of cheesy life and apparently there’s a huge market for it, but the appeal eludes me. You’d think a creature feature with lesbians in it would have at least some redeeming qualities, but no. It’s at best a flat recital of a number of trite clichés, featuring cardboard characters unincumbered by either dimensions or development and ridiculously unrealistic (who lives/thinks/acts like this) scenarios. Yes, even for a creature feature, in fact the creature is more realistic than these pressed paper cutouts. So, does this sound familiar? People from a large city relocate to a tiny village where the unfriendly villagers might be hiding a deadly secret? If it doesn’t…you might very well love this book. If it does, just wait, it gets dumber from there. Collie’s beloved twin sister gets brutally murdered by an abusive ex, leaving her ten year old daughter alone. Now Collie has a kid (though because the characters here are written without so much as a basic grasp on psychology, the kid is perfectly well adjusted and ready to play matchmaker for her aunt, among other things, none of those traumatized orphans in this story) to take care off and their first act is to leave London for the boonies. And they do this by essentially letting the kid do the internet version of spinning the globe and putting a finger down. Because that’s just the kind of thing Collie does. And so they end up in a creepy village. And then there’s Emily, who has more of a reason for being in the creepy village, she is investigating her beloved brother’s disappearance. She’s been at it for a while with nothing to show for it and meanwhile is making her living as a teacher in a local school with a creepy (of course she would be) giant of a woman in charge. Collie and Emily meet. Sparks do that thing they do. And from there on there’s a laughably drawn out will they/won’t they situation going on. Except that of course you know exactly how it’s going to play out, because all roads lead to the happily ever after thing that is actually a requirement for these books. Yes, there’s also a creature lurking in the woods, but who can pay attention to that with all the heavy panting the ladies are doing in each other’s direction. And of course, each of them has a gay bff, one’s even trans, because why not. There are even more potential love interests right there in the village, because that’s what small creepy insular villages are known for, burgeoning gay life. And of course everyone gets along so nicely and the perfectly well adjusted kid adores them all. Will they defeat the evil creature? Will love conquer all? Well, not like there was ever a choice. I’m sure I’m going to be a dissenting minority here, because one of the main things that romance documentary taught is that the fans of this genre have pretty low standards and will defend what they love vociferously, irrespective of obviously low quality of the material. If you like your fiction unoriginal, predictable and unrealistic, your love stories covered in cheap cheese and your scares muffled…this banality might be right up your alley. It was readable, objectively. Technically readable and not offensively terrible, just, you know, dumb. And also too long for what it was. Maybe as a novella it would have just been a laughably silly distraction, but at a novel length, its shortcomings are difficult to ignore. Pass. Thanks Netgalley.
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