Freaky Friday is simply too good, too fun of a concept to let rest for too long.  Thus another remake.  Since this is a basic juxtaposition comedy, the wilder the contrast the more effective it is. And what’s wilder than swapping a grizzled giant of a serial killer with a shy teenage highschool girl.  That is the grand idea the writers had here and as far as that goes it works, mostly.
       Vince Vaughn and his middle age weight gain still got his fast talking charm that he utilizes to spice up his feminine game. Vaughn isn’t so masculine of an author than these girlish shenanigans aren’t a huge stretch for him (Dwayne Johnson would have been ideal, but he’d never stoop so low or so close to evil) , but at  well fed 6’5” he’s certainly giant enough to provide for some laughs.
     The laughs here are mostly of a cheap variety, but then again this is essentially a teen movie. The maturity of writing, the quality of gags, the overall plot sophistication is all of a distinctly YA variety.  It’s silly, but at least not dumb or not so dumb as to insult the viewers, because it’s also kinda cute and knows it. Just look at that poster.
    The girl Vaughn bodyswaps with is played by that kid from Pokemon. A generically pretty blonde who inexplicably is considered yucky by her schoolmates and picked on relentlessly until she inexplicably blossoms in her serial killer chic leather jacket stylized into sexiness by a ponytail and red lipstick applied with inexplicable skill by Vaughn’s personality. Thus honoring every teen movie cliché ever.  She’s also an absolute idiot, who turns down a ride to sit alone in the dark and wait for her mom, while knowing there’s a serial killer out there who has just murdered four teens. Epically, one might add. So, you know, more clichés.
     Vaughn’s serial killer is straight out gross, contrary to every single study of serial killers. Ungroomed, uncouth, sleeping rough among the murderous mementos and homeless junkies. Not a pretty scene for a teenage girl to wake up to.  Dressed in generic black and featuring a generic creepy mask, this is the least imaginative approach to serial killers ever. Because, of course, it isn’t about that, not really.
     And  so with only a day to swap back the stakes are high.  The girl in Vaughn’s body has to convince her straight (or gay) out general casting bffs, one black one gay, they know they are cute and mention it in a wild fit of self awareness so at least they get a joke out of it,  she is who she is and there’s also a dreamboat of a love interest who gets on board. Like really, all the way on board, with this bodyswap situation.  Oh the things they’ll do for cheap laughs.
     And then main thing it isn’t that funny. Not for an intelligent adult anyway.  This Trix is for kids and kid like mentalities. But then again if you just want to unwind with a silly over the top slasher, this’ll do the trick. Don’t expect much and you won’t be disappointed.

​       Summer blockbusters…no summer is complete without them. Traditionally you’d have Will Smith fighting aliens, be it in Independence Day or Men in Black movies. And Chris Pratt in his all American friendly giant mode is a perfectly good stand in for Smith, but Tomorrow’s War just doesn’t pass the muster.
       Mind you, no one expects smart out of summer blockbusters, but that shouldn’t invite stupid either. And Tomorrow’s War is kinda stupid or at the very least dumb. It’s all special effects and aliens and time travel, which is to say there’s plenty here to distract you from the fact that it’s dumb, but if you just pause to think…and the movie’s duration gives you plenty of time for that…you’ll realize that logic didn’t even graze this whambam bouncing baby boy.
     Behold the plot…in 2051 the Earth is attacked by aliens so voraciously hungry and so viciously murderous that the earthlings don’t stand a chance at survival. What they do stand a chance at is apparently inventing a time machine, albeit a very limited one, so that they can jump 30 years only although in both directions. So time travel…check, alien elimination…fail.
    What do you do with a time machine, especially the one that doesn’t double as a hot tub? Well, apparently you jump back 30 years to recruit more people to fight in your unwinnable war. This idiotic plan everyone gets on board with, despite the insane morality rates for people who go. So a draft is reinstated and whoever gets selected is required to go to the future for a week and try to survive.  Most don’t stand a chance, but most are not the hunky former army and still muscley Christ Pratt.
     Pratt briefly contemplates avoiding draft, but his daddy issues are too huge for that, so off into the future he goes. Where as it turns out he’s been recruited by his own now grown up baby girl. Yeah, it’s all very sentimental.
     Future war is what you’d expect. The character actors get murdered first, albeit heroically, and the tough dudes i.e. more leading man potential survive.  But there’s a twist. A twist the Prattman will need to get back to the present to sort out.  Because as we are told time and time again, he isn’t just a pretty face, he’s got brains, he teaches science. Plus it’s also an excellent way to sort out his previously mentioned daddy issues.
      And so with plenty of guns and plenty of bravura and bravado and an appropriate amount of comic relief, the adventure proceeds, spanning time and continents, because they got the budget and the inclination. Straight through to the prerequisite happy ending, complete with a really lamentable garbage stream of a voiceover.
      And what have we learned?  So many valuable lessons, really. War is terrible, unless its righteous. Science will save the day. Global warming is real. This is a legitimately prescience blockbuster and for that…kudos. It also to its credit gets a lot of interesting details right (well, within the confines of its own mythos)  about time travel and alien logistics.  It’s just that the overall effect is so silly. The aliens look great, the money’s there, the action’s there.  The pure corny cheesy joy of Will Smith bonanzas isn’t.
     It’s almost as if Tomorrow’s War is taking itself too seriously and forgetting what its meant to be. And sure, the main lesson here is that Chris Pratt will save the day. Pratt’s got the undeniable  apple pie appeal of the best version of an everyday guy and an easy charm of a bonafide star.  He’ a relatively young action star in a strangely aged action star market. He’s already got two popular franchises down and apparently can do no wrong. Which is why this was a number one streaming movie in the US. But this is the least he can or should do. Unlike his other movies…this is just too bland to be proper fun. Unless boombastic is the way you roll, this is an easy pass. Or watch it for the alien twist. Or the Prattness of it all. Or just rewatch Men in Black to remind you of how it’s meant to be done. And why the f is there a The in the title...shouldn't it just be Tomorrow's War? Are there several and we need to differentiate? Will there be more? Why...

​     For everyone who watched Ocean’s Eleven and thought…oh that’s just too exciting, well, the  director of it has come up with something for you. The very title of No Sudden Move implies a slow and steady pace. All the nicer to fall asleep to.
      Soderbergh is usually very good and occasionally flat out great. This gorgeously shot sleepy dud of a thriller is certainly an exception. The goal in this testosterone driven feature seems to be to employ every good actor in Tinseltown who hasn’t aged well. It’s a strange goal, but there it is.  
    And so it begins with the suddenly old looking War Machine strutting his way through 1954 Detroit on the way to meet a suddenly huge looking George of the Jungle. The latter is actually a freaking tragedy of a WTF, my easily favorite actor of the 90s, he didn’t just cut a perfect 10 while clumsily swinging through the jungle, he also fought mummies, swing danced and had fun with animation in the most entertaining fashion. And then all but vanished from the screen. I read a long interview some time ago where he confessed to having many problems, physical and psychological, as a result of all that fame, but was making a comeback and I was so excited for it. And sure, he’s portly in Doom Patrol, but here, he’s positively enormous. Not quite sure what he’s been doing with himself in the intervening years, but to all appearances it looks like he’s just been eating. The weird thing is his face still looks youthful, in fact he looks like a thing that ate the actor and held on to the face for appearances.
     Which is to say he makes another famously middle age spread Benecio Del Toro look positively svelte.  So anyway, Rick O'Connell hires Del Toro, War Machine and one of the Culkins  (who is just much too young and small in stature to register in this movie) for a simple and well paying gig of babysitting a family while Stranger Things sheriff (the guy who actually may have dropped some gut for that lamentable recent abomination of a remake of Mike Mignola’s genius creation) goes to his office and to the secretary he’s been screwing to retrieve some very important document.
     Of course, of course, the gig goes sideways and results in all sorts of murderous complications and more famously handsome actors in their 40s strutting through the plot. The women in this movie are barely present, you can tell buy the no name actresses, nowhere near on the same fame train car.
      The plot, convoluted as it is, involved car industry and in fact does significantly tie in as the ending will tell you, if you care enough to stick around. It’s appropriate enough, because the entire movie looks like a really awesome classic car show (another mostly men of a certain age and, weirdly, this reviewer’s, favorite) but outside of that it was literally a struggle to stay awake though this thoroughly unthrilling wrinkled scrotum of a thriller.
      And yes, it’s a sort of thing critics love, it’s well acted, well scripted, the cinematography is lovely, but as a cohesive total it fails to either entertain, delight of emotionally engage. It’s clever for its own sake, smugly so, but that’s no great joy.
      Overall, probably a decent dad movie, something to make overweight out of shape middle age crisis candidates seem hip, if only to themselves. Otherwise…pass.
         So I've been thinking and thinking and trying to come up with any actresses who hit the middle age the heavy side up and managed to maintain a career and I've come up with nothing, zero, zilch, nada. There aren't that many heavy actresses to begin with (and they are the ones usually heavy from the get go), but every single popular one in her 40s or 50s has essentially maintained her body if she wanted to maintain a body of work. Some merely well preserved as if by magic like Michelle Pfeiffer, some freakishly unnaturally so, like (somebody feed) Nicole Kidman. So there's an ugly double standard at play here that seems to completely ignore all the progress of the gender equality battles.
      So there, you thought this review was  being fattist or misandrist, but it's actually feminist. Boom. Assumptions confounded.