What is this, the second or third Aquaman movie? Doesn’t matter if you don’t know the answer, the movie doesn’t expect you to, and handily offers a primer in the opening scene. I don’t spend a lot of time in Marvel Universe, and every time I do, I am reminded of why not.
The movie is big dumb fun, as the rest of them, with the stress falling heavily on the dumb part. Inexplicably this o-so-basic script took four people to write, including Jason Momoa, and one can’t help but wonder if the extent of his contribution was bro-ing the production up all the way to the very stupid ending – the mike-grabbing “I’m Aquaman!” The production is bombastic if you’re into CGI. That’s why credits for these movies take up like fifteen minutes. The acting (though the movie casts talented actors) and dialogue are pretty much irrelevant, everyone’s here for the special effects show. The plot has to do with a lost kingdom no one talks about and awakening its evil ruler – i.e. if the eyes start glowing green, beware. Mostly it’s just one fight scene after another and the opportunity for the Aqua-brothers to mend their fraught relationship. Patrick Wilson (who while impressively ripped is and looks very obviously older than Jason Momoa) plays nevertheless his younger brother. Speaking of age logistics (and I know movie business has been trying to mess with it for a while now, defying all reason), but do Atlanteans not age? Or is it a weirdly slowed down process? Because otherwise how is it that a 56-year-old (studiously un-aging) Nicole Kidman is playing a mother to 50-year-old Wilson and 45-year-old Momoa again? If Atlanteans don’t age, why are they all stuck at that specific age? If it’s slowed down, how does that work? Or does it simply stops at a certain age as Nicole Kidman and her agents would love you to believe? Especially since she was last seen in Expats playing a mother of a three-year-old. I’m sure there’s an audience out there for this sort of fare. Inf act, box office numbers tells us so. The movie has about doubled it’s 200-some million-dollar budget, despite rather underwhelming reviews. People want dumb. That much is obvious. Dumb and completely divorced from reality, despite a hastily thrown in environ=mental message. So if you’re in a mood for a Bro-ey (in every way possible, from the brothers drama to the ornamental uselessness of the female characters) extravaganza, go for it. Otherwise, you’re not missing much, outside of Momoa’s outsized charisma and musculature.
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