Clark is a uniquely foreign perspective on true crime, which means it’s something that even someone of a trend-despising persuasion can get into.
While everyone’s heard of Stockholm Syndrome, few know of the man behind it. Clark Olofsson. The man has been referred to as the first Swedish celebrity gangster (does Sweden have more than one?) and rightly so, since his criminal career seems to be as uniquely shaped by his horrid upbringing as it is by his native’s country shockingly lenient penal system. As a boy, Clark has managed to survive his objectively horrible family and abusive father, blossoming into a youth so charming that none can resist, not friends, not the ladies. Bill Skarsgård (the current hot Skarsgård since Alexander seems to be taking it easy) embodied Clark perfectly. It’s the first time I’ve seen him perform in his native language—he even does a voice—and it is most impressive. As an actor, he has a lot to do in his role, going from a teen to forty or so, and maintaining a boyish charm while being a comically terrible person. There is a vulnerability behind the self-absorbed, wildly arrogant façade, a softness behind the madness. The writer/director throws in everything from action scenes to dance sequences. It has a particular wildness that American cinema doesn’t quite do right, but it does with strikingly unEuropean chaste stops short of full frontal (though Clark’s pubes make frequent appearances). Still, you got to give credit where credit’s due: Clark is a someone who seduces and abandons women, fathers children he doesn’t see, commits crime after crime, once even stabbing a man seventeen times, and he is still a compelling character to watch, humanized consistently beneath all his self-mythologizing. But he is a mystery, too. Smart but consistently stupid, he gets caught with suspicious frequency, almost as if he wants to be back in prison. And he does spend a significant part of his life behind bars. Though bars in Sweden appear to be of a very soft variety. The stabbing that nearly killed a man earned Clark just two years. And then there are the constant furloughs. Why? What bright idea is that to let criminals roam around free for a while and then get back to prison? In fact, the stabbing occurs on one such furlough, two weeks before his scheduled release, no less. Other furloughs result in Clark fleeing justice and/or the country altogether. As much as he loved his prison stays, he loved breaking out too. And he loved women, Wildly and frequently. And despite his tendency to prematurely ejaculate, they loved him back. Marrying him, reproducing with him. Just goes to show you how far people will go to touch a celebrity. And that’s the moral here. Clark is like a much, much milder and saner version of American Ted Bundy, coasting by on infamy and good looks to the sort of popularity no criminal should have. But his very existence makes you examine the society that created him, because every pedestal was built by somebody. Clark the TV series ends in the 80s with its lead once again locked-up and unrepentant. Sure enough, he continued carrying on exactly as he was, learning nothing, emerging from one slap-on-the-wrist punishment after another straight back into the life of crime. And love, apparently. At the time of this review’s writing, Clark Olofsson is 77 years old, currently free, with a fiancée and a new kid, his 6th. Either retired or in between gigs. Probably happy. The final verdict – fun to watch. If you do get dragged down into the mire of the current true crime obsession, Clark’s practically a must-see TV.
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Jake Gyllenhaal has made some excellent movies over the course of his career. Nightcrawler, anyone? He also made his share of blockbusters, ranging in quality and entertainment value. Of the latter, this movie pretty much skirt the bottom of the barrel.
It has all the right ingredients—good actor, good director, good budget—but the clichéd dumbness of it all overwhelms the lot. I don’t think I’ve watched the original, and I don’t know if I should have watched this one. But it stands to mention, I don’t like dumb action movies, and this one has nothing to elevate it from the rest either. Yes, Jake’s physique is most impressive and counters his mild, polite demeanor nicely, and yes, Conor McGregor’s manic energy is ever so mildly entertaining for about two minutes (the man after all is a real-life fighter while Jake’s just faking his way), but the rest of the movie is like watching a video game. An older video game to be specific, before they got all fancy and complicated with plots and real actors. This movie’s plot is paper-thin and involves around the eponymous structure and a fighter who comes to save it from some criminals threatening it. The movie is genre-appropriately-bombastic and bright and has pretty, racially diverse people doing things in scenic locations, and a lot of fighting and boats and all that, but it engages approximately 0.000001 percent of the brain, emotions, etc. Unless you're after something particularly unchallenging or really want to enjoy Jake's muscles (or perhaps swing the other way and enjoy Post Malone's inked flab--yes, he is peculiarly enough cast as a fighter in the opening scene), you can comfortably give this one a pass. It's kind of sad that movies like this exist and make money, and sadder still that actors of Gyllenhaal caliber do them, but needs must and all that. After all, most actors inevitably fall into some clichés. And yes, Jake has been dating a model 15 years his junior, so why not this too? But make no mistake, this is a background movie at best, the sort of thing where you can fall asleep in the middle, wake up, and miss nothing. They got 99 problems, but the show ain’t one!
Seriously. Okay, so for a while now I’ve been thinking that I’m just not into sci-fi shows. Any one I’ve tried, I maybe got through one episode and left completely disinterested. I was looking forward to 3 Body Problem to change my mind and sure enough … Any show created by the team who brought to life (and ruined in the last season) the epic Game of Thrones was going to grab my attention. In fact, I don’t care for fantasy genre at all (not even in books), and GoT totally wowed me. 3 Body Problem did something similar, but not quite as successfully. Yeah, it was super fun and totally binge-worthy, but it just doesn’t hold up to intellectual scrutiny, particularly in retrospect. So, if you haven’t seen the show, do yourself a favor, go watch it. Then come back, read this review, and see if you agree. While I’m going to go ahead and address some of the 99 problems with the 3 Body Problem revealing crucial plot points along the way. Please note that I have not read the 3 Body Problem trilogy and that this review solely pertains to the US TV series adaption. Okay? Okay then. So, what sort of circumstances can push a person to turn her back on her fellow earthlings and invite the aliens from the distant reaches of the outer space to come over and take matters into their own …um … appendages? Well, Ye Wenjie pretty much gets that. With her family destroyed by the revolution and a brutal imprisonment that follows, she gets fed up. And being brilliant, does something rather intense about it. Her decision and actions from the 1970s set the entire story into motion. Now, in 2024, all sorts of brilliant scientists are beginning to drop dead in suspicious ways, including Ye’s own adult daughter. The daughter’s pupils and assistants notice the patterns and try to figure out what’s going on. This group are the central protagonists of the story and its focal point. Presumably originally predominantly Chinese and now as racially diverse as Netflix knows how (and that is kind of their specialty), these people are all very smart, but of varying degrees. Specifically, because the show creators are all too aware of the boxes to check in current popular entertainment, the women on this show are much, much smarter than men. The women are, in fact, geniuses, while the man are more like … support brains (sometimes, rather horrifyingly, literally.) Most of the main characters who drive the show are women. Even the aliens (more on this later) chose a woman avatar to speak through. Because this is the wonderful world we live in now--women are hailed in hip media productions while underpaid and deprived of basic rights (like to their own bodies) in real life by the powers that be. So, at first no one really knows what’s going on. It’s a delicious mystery, full of suspense and WTF*ckery of the best kind, and the show is never as good as in those early episodes. But finally they figure out that the aliens are involved. The aliens call themselves San-Ti and are on the way to Earth per Ye’s invitation. Only the trip is estimated to take 400 years. And because the San-Ti are convinced that in 400 years people of Earth will develop the technology to surpass theirs and potentially destroy them, they are killing off the scientists now to prevent that from happening. Moreover, San-Ti can speak to people of Earth without delays, change their sky, manipulate their digital footprint, etc. All from 400 years away. To sum up, an alien race advanced enough to travel through space and to meddle comprehensively with people on a very distant planet, are busy with long con small game based on a spurious belief in (wo)menkind’s potential for greatness. Um … okay. Why not just like disable the internet, beam an EMPT signal, and instantly send the oh-so-threatening species back into the Dark Ages? Why tinker? There is an actual San-Ti worship club/cult now. 400 people who live on a giant cruise ship, funded by a billionaire believer who routinely chats with “His Lord” through a small speaker. This cult obviously has to go decide the powers that be, chiefly a clandestine government-ish organization helmed by Wade, the delightful Liam Cunningham , recycled from GoT. (One of the only two actors, surprisingly.) The second one being John Bradley, who doesn’t last. Bradley’s character quits science to become insanely wealthy off making and selling jink food, and is brutally discharged in episode three by San-Ti’s starry-eyed human assassin. Why does she have superhuman strength as a small woman to violently kill a rather large man? None of her skills are explained. Presumably San-Ti help her out in some way beyond simply scrubbing the digital surveillance footage of her appearances. Anyway, Bradley has to die. And he isn’t the only one of the main group of friends who does. The show basically cuts the fat (i.e. white guys) to streamline the plot down to minorities and women and minority women. Super woke that way. Moving on. Augie Salazar, played by an actress way, way too hot (in the wrong way) to be that smart, seriously, they even make fun of her looks rather cleverly in the show, is responsible for some pretty intense nanotech that can destroy things and people very impressively. She is talked by Liam Cunningham (can you blame her? The man seems so convincing) to destroy the cult ship, which (INSANELY) she agrees to. Mind you, we’re talking about 400 civilians, many of whom are children, sliced and diced to death by nanos. Um, since when do we do that, exactly? Waco, Texas was bad enough, and that was after a lengthy standoff, and the death toll there was 82. And here, you have 400 people brutally slaughtered based on their beliefs. Mind you, they are on a ship, perfectly contained. They could have been surrounded, arrested, etc. Something. But presumably Wade just wanted to send a huge F U to the San-Ti. Here's the kicker, though. Before the ship was destroyed, their fearless leader communicated to San-Ti that sometimes people lie. This was after reading them a fairy tale. And San-Ti FREAKED at this, saying they are now afraid of people and cutting off all communication. So yes, you’re reading that right. The alien race that was perfectly fine with coming over here to invade another species, that has been liberally killing off people here and there using their mind-manipulative tech and a dedicate assassin, lost their collective alien sh*t over lying. What the flying duck is that? Also, if they are so smart, how have they not figured it out until now? Four decades of communication until they figured out people lie? Seriously? Moving on. The San-Ti get back with the vengeance. No more games. And yes, before in the mysterious early episodes they used very advanced video games to (presumably) figure out how people work in extreme circumstances. Now, they change the sky, take over screens all over the world hurling threatening insults, etc. So, there are now pissed off aliens on the way, and Wade needs a plan of attack. Recruiting the female geniuses, including Augie who’d been drinking her guilt away, and a rather dedicated Jin Cheng, they try to come up with wildly-out-there plans. One includes sending a brain into space. The other, preserving Wade for 400 years so he can be alive to greet the San-Ti when they arrive. The brain plan tragically fails, but it does create for a lot of drama. Augie bails once more to go be a do-gooder in Latin America to obviate some of her guilt. Ye doesn’t make it either, crushed by guilt, she tries to take her own life, only to be intercepted and assisted by the San-Ti’s assassin. Which frankly sucks, because Ye (past and present) is by far the most interesting and compelling character in the entire show. In fact, the first season only had 8 episodes and a rather high overall death toll. The future presumably brings more. And more plans to stop the San-Ti. But also, who cares. 400 years is very far away. The Earth is well on its way to destroying itself now. And if San-Ti is that powerful, fighting them almost seems like a folly no matter how many well-meant motivational speeches the show puts forth. But pandering and logistics aside, 3 Body Problem is wildly entertaining. A NYT review said it was short on humanity, a statement with which this reviewer vehemently disagrees. The show has plenty of drama, plenty of humanity. It’s the logistics that require extra work. Between the pretty people and the dazzling effects and the grand ideas and the well written dialogues, it’s easy to get distracted from the logistics, though. Or overlook them altogether. Taken at a face value alone, the show wows. The main problem it has is simple: for all its faults, it is still much too smart for its platform. The acquisition-happy Netflix wanted a grand sci-fi spectacle and got it, but this belongs on Max. It is way, way too smart for Netflix. The fact that it debuts behind another stupid true crime documentary series is rather telling. People simply don’t tune into Netflix to be intellectually challenged. They do so to stream a large variety of garbage, with a few occasional standouts like Stranger Things. And even that banks heavily on the nostalgia factor and cute kids and monsters. So, I’ve no idea what the future holds for this show that’s all about the future. With three books, the creators certainly have enough material to do at least two more seasons. (And then they really should stop, because when they go off book things like Game of Thrones season 7 occur.) Point is, I had lots of fun watching it AND taking it apart. This may be my longest review ever. Whew. Dream Scenario is the sort of movie that will divide an audience. Like all dreams, it’s pretty much open to interpretation. Or at least your impression of it. That said, I found it terrific.
Nicholas Cage is one of the most prolific actors out there with a remarkably uneven career. In his own words, Dream Scenario is one of the top five movies he’s ever made. And he’s right. Dream Scenario is as weird, quirky, and unconventional as Cage himself. And just as great as Cage is on a good day. In the movie, he plays Paul, a mild-mannered tenured professor of evolutionary biology, who has a mild, unremarkable life or a married man with two kids, a nice wife, and a stalled comfortable career. With a bit of a paunch and the worst hairstyle known to men, Paul is hitting the middle age hard. And the middle age hits back, making Paul feel inadequate when compared to his more illustrious colleagues. More than inadequate, ineffectual and invisible. And then by reasons unknown and through no effort of his own, Paul begins appearing in other people’s dreams. Much like in life (and much to his consternation), Paul doesn’t do much of anything on these dreams, he’s just kind of there. But in this day and age, when most fame comes undeserved and goes like wildfire across social media, it’s enough to propel him into a sort of stardom. For a while, Paul is delighted with his newfound fame. Then it backfires, when the dreams turn into nightmares, and in those nightmares, he is no longer passive. Now people are afraid of Paul. And it still has nothing to do with him, though it affects his entire existence. Specifically, it kind of ruins it. Eventually, the sleep technology becomes ubiquitous and, of course, monetized, and Paul is left to dream of a life he once had, before all the madness. So, why did I like this movie so much? Well, outside of it being well written and very well acted, I very much enjoyed everything it had to say about the modern society, the perverted meaning of celebrity, the outsized significance placed on insignificant things, and so on. Bottom line is that this movie is about the meaning of life. What is enough? What we need and what we want and the difference between the two. Bravely enough, the movie doesn’t take it easy on its audience. It doesn’t give it easy resolutions or even a particularly likeable protagonist. It is Paul’s everydayness, his averageness, even his patheticness that makes him so compelling to watch. Also, it’s just a fun, original idea for a movie. Genuinely original. So yeah, nicely done. One of the better A24 productions, for sure. Positively dreamy. Finally, a movie that checks plenty of boxes on the modern “it” list yet does it so refreshingly and originally that it blows most maudlin WWII dramas, action flicks, and superhero fare out of the water.
Do Americans even make movies like this anymore? Because the dumbed-down fare seems to rule the day on the silver screen lately. Just how dumbed down is it becoming? Well, the powers that be felt a strong need to replace a perfectly good title “Freaks Out” with a more descriptive one “Freaks vs. the Reich” just so people would know who fights whom, presumably. Because otherwise how would anyone possibly figure it out? Also, gorgeous as this movie is, it was made on only $12 million euros, a fraction of what similar movies cost these days. “Freaks Out” is a mad, wild adventure of four circus performers across the Nazi-invaded Italy. They lose their tent, then they lose their fearless leader, Israel, who gets caught trying to get everyone papers to leave. Now the prodigiously and unusually gifted quartet has to decide what to do. Fu, a superstrong, superhairy gentleman, wants to join a Nazi circus, led by a rather spectacular villain named Franz. Cencio, the albino, and Mario, the magnetic, shockingly well-hung dwarf, join him, while Matilde, the electric girl, sets off to find Israel, encountering a gang of crippled, kickass partisans on her way. Eventually, all four freaks end up at Franz’ circus, subjects to horrific experiments. Franz is determined to build an army of superpowered freaks as a gift for his Fuhrer, having failed to become a proper Nazi soldier on account of having two fingers too many. Now, Franz is a wild madman who gets high and sees the future and plays piano gorgeously and has a crazy mission that drives his every step and every cruelty, against himself and others. Ultimately, everything’s building up for a grand finale showdown between the freaks and, you guessed it, the Reich, and when it comes, it doesn’t disappoint. What this movie gets right and what sets it apart from similar fare, is that despite the awesomely done special effects, it’s a very humane story of friendship, love, family, being different and making the most of it. This is a story of triumphing against the impossible odds … and appropriately enough, it is a triumph. A lot of it is because instead of being preachy, the makers chose (wisely) to just have fun with it. It’s by turns playful, wild, raunchy, violent, over-the-top, inventive, moving, and spectacular to look at. Like a proper circus performance, really. Coming in at 141 minutes, it doesn’t feel long and entertains wildly the entire way through. Recommended. In a tale as old as time (and just as rife with clichés), three childhood friends carry on with the same shenanigans they did as kids until the lying finally catches up with them. That crisis they proceed to avoid with—you guessed it—more lying. Only the lie gets more elaborate this time, involving an actual person.
Ricky Stanicky the movie idea has been around for so long that at some point they considered James Franco for the lead, then Joaquin Phoenix (oddly enough, then Jim Carrey. And eventually, it tumbled down to the master of amusingly dumb comedies, one of the Farrelly brothers, straight off from Loudermilk TV series, even bringing the actress from that show along to this movie. Much like Loudermilk, this production centers on a lovable loser. Only he is much …well, louder! John Cena owns the role of Ricky Stanicky so freaking hard, as hard as his ridiculous muscles. The man is up for absolutely anything, and his commitment and versatility as an actor of considerable commitment and versatility (also failed-actor-performer-alcoholic-aspiring-good-person) work. Which is important because the entire production here hinges on Cena and Ricky. The rest is just too silly, too bland, and way too long. The three friends are also silly and bland, or more specifically, there’s a rather jerky redhead JT, a genuinely amusing soul of the trio Wes, and the much too beautiful to be effective as an actor Zac Efron. Seriously, Efron’s a triple treat, but outside of musicals, is completely limited by his musclebound prettiness. As in he always looks like the prettiest bro at a frat party, which works nicely for things like Neighbors (and Neighbors 2 if one must) but does nothing in other productions. Cena, though, is so much fun to watch. From his crooning impersonation to his Pinocchio-like character journey of a giant slab of wood who wants so desperately to be a real boy that he becomes one. Overall, a mildly, rather inoffensively amusing take on American dream where anyone gets to be who they want to be if they really, really willing to commit to the lie. Or something rather … I’m not a gamer. While I can kinda sorta understand the appeal of playing video games, the elaborate world of it, including the mind-boggling watching a stranger play video games is beyond me. But video games are all the rage, people cannot get enough, so it has seeped into the movies now. And combining slasher scares and video games aka the popcorn and soda (same stickiness and caloric value) of lowbrow entertainment apparently works like a charm. That is to say, this movie, despite underwhelming at best reviews, was a huge box office success with sequel already on its way.
The plot goes like this: a ne’er-do-well young man with severe PTSD from years ago witnessing abduction of his baby brother (played by a former child star who never got tall enough for much of an adult career) is raising his kid sister alone while losing job after job. The pressure is on, though since his aunt (played by a random 80s and 90s star in a Razzie-nominated turn) wants custody of the girl. So now he has to take the only job available (according to his career placement person played by a very tall but too goofy-looking for a leading man material 90s upcycle): nightwatchman at an abandoned Chuck-e-Cheese-from-hell place. To no one’s surprise, even aside from his experimentations with lucid dreaming while on the job. Mike’s stunt as a nightwatchman doesn’t quite go to plan. Despite the friendly assistance of a cute (though still too tall for him) lady cop (Beck from season 1 of YOU) who keeps turning up and up and up. Part serial killer mystery, part ghost story, wrapped in a slasher skin, the movie is creative enough to use actual puppets and practical effects instead of CGI, but that’s mostly where the creativity ends. So they throw in some jump scares instead. Apparently that works. I looked up the game and its creator (also co-writer on the movie) is an interesting character. It makes you wonder how something as notoriously liberal as the movie industry would get behind a person like that so enthusiastically. But apparently, in the end they only see dollar signs. Even the game creator couldn’t stay retired for more than a couple of years. Everyone just can’t get enough of those raggedy animatronic mascots. There are even book tie-ins. Why? Seriously, how many ways must there be to experience this dubious masterpiece? Anyway, aside from all that, the movie is kinda sorta fun in a B movie dressed up to pass for an A way. Don’t expect much, and you might be entertained. Once upon a time, a beautiful princess went on to marry a handsome prince and they lived happily ever after. Errr … except this isn’t that kind of story. You are handily told this at the very beginning of the movie, in case, you know, you wouldn’t be able to work it out for yourself.
What this is instead is a feminist revision of the tale as old as time, where the prince is jerk, his mother an evil witch (spelled with hard B), the dragon is a misunderstood, misled victim, and the princess is the kickass that saves them all (well, expect for the evildoers, who are made to really, really rue the day they crossed her.) Sounds good, right? And it should be. It ought to have been. Instead, Damsel is the sort of movie that leaves you wondering at the end exactly where it fell short. So let’s talk about that a bit, shall we? When we first meet Elodie, she’s chopping wood with her younger sister. It is apparent that her title-only family has fallen on hard times. Since the only way to solve such matters back then was to marry off your daughter to someone with money, that’s what her father does. Despite her stepmother’s trepidations. And can we take a moment here to shout out some kudos for a movie that was so busy turning clichés upside down, it managed to (write wonderfully) turn a stereotypically evil stepmother into a caring, loving one. (And the only one who can see through the sham of the marriage or tries to.) It appears Elodie’s Daddy Dearest is told exactly what his baby girl is in for—becoming a dragon snack—and he’s all like, “Tragic, but sure, why not. There’s another daughter anyway, and money is needed.” Elodie though has no idea. She’s thoroughly charmed by the fancy castle and its fancy prince. Until she is tossed intothe dragon lair, that is. That’s where the fight for survival begins. After four seasons spent fighting all manner of monsters on Stranger Things, MBB can do action. But it’s only ever so compelling, as she goes into the lair not once but twice. Of course, she emerges victorious. There was never a chance of her not doing so. After all, she has a message to bring forth. The movie is so hung up on its messaging (however excellent and commendable) that it forgets some other things, like nuance or balance. For instance, how awesome would it be to see more of Elodie and the dragon’s revenge instead of MBB hiding behind the rocks in the cave? Because revenge when it comes is rather epic—think Khaleesi and her dragons when she rolled into town in the last season. Though Daddy Dearest has an attack of conscience and comes back, followed by a dragon attack from which he categorically doesn’t come back, he is by and large irrelevant. Though kudos to the dude for remarrying a (remarkably well-preserved) woman his age who is kind and nice and not some evil bimbette decades younger. Also irrelevant is the floppy haired prince and his silent father, puppeteer by their queen mother, Princess Buttercup has matured into quite the evil queen! This movie belongs to the ladies. Even the dragon is a lady, brought to life by the amazing voice of Shohreh Aghdashloo. It is just a bit flat all around, missing the wow factor. It is also rather bloody and deadly for its rating, with high body count across species. Viewer beware. Not “not fun”, just leaves you wishing for more. Perhaps a cleverer writer would have nuanced the plot more, but let’s face it general audience and Netflix specifically aren’t exactly particular about clever, so long as they have the star power and the effects to back it up. The cleverness here was used up on the title. Way to own damsel as a descriptive word. In distress, sure, but all too able to save herself and then some. You are so going to hear her roar. Alongside the dragon, presumably. They will both roar. Perhaps a duet. Sequel, anyone? A mysterious illiterate orphan with terrible money management skills arrives to the big city, where he proceeds to sneak around the sewage system and pop up to feed strangers chocolate.
Yep, that is one way of looking at Wonka, the prequel, the movie meant as a companion piece to the 1971 version. And it might be more along the lines of Dahl’s writing with its underlying darkness, but for the undeniable fact that it isn’t how Wonka plays. Onscreen, Wonka is pure cinematic delight. A tour-de-force of such cinematic joy and joie de vivre that it’ll melt even the most crust-hearted viewers like …well, chocolate. Chalamet, a man/boy beautiful enough to rock an almost-unibrow is cast perfectly as a whimsical young magician chocolatier with an outsized dream. He sings, he dances, he charms. He wins you over completely, just as he ultimately wins out the city with his chocolate delights. The rest of the cast is perfectly amusing too, including Grant’s hilariously pitch-perfect (almost is that taking away jobs from actors of diminutive stature?) Oompa-Loompa. (Side note: I’m confused about the accents. Most of the cast speaks with English ones. Wonka, despite his British mother, doesn’t. Neither does Key. Both actors surely could manage, so the question remains: why didn’t they? For that nice uniform quality and basic logistics.) Anyway … The movie sets are truly masterful. Masterpiece each and every one. The movie is meant to be a spectacle in the best possible way—a feast for the sense the way chocolate is, and it is genuinely spectacular. It makes you feel childlike wander while possessing adult-like appreciation. A real feat. All in all, Wonka is a thing of beauty. Come with him, and you’ll be in the world of pure imagination! What is this, the second or third Aquaman movie? Doesn’t matter if you don’t know the answer, the movie doesn’t expect you to, and handily offers a primer in the opening scene. I don’t spend a lot of time in Marvel Universe, and every time I do, I am reminded of why not.
The movie is big dumb fun, as the rest of them, with the stress falling heavily on the dumb part. Inexplicably this o-so-basic script took four people to write, including Jason Momoa, and one can’t help but wonder if the extent of his contribution was bro-ing the production up all the way to the very stupid ending – the mike-grabbing “I’m Aquaman!” The production is bombastic if you’re into CGI. That’s why credits for these movies take up like fifteen minutes. The acting (though the movie casts talented actors) and dialogue are pretty much irrelevant, everyone’s here for the special effects show. The plot has to do with a lost kingdom no one talks about and awakening its evil ruler – i.e. if the eyes start glowing green, beware. Mostly it’s just one fight scene after another and the opportunity for the Aqua-brothers to mend their fraught relationship. Patrick Wilson (who while impressively ripped is and looks very obviously older than Jason Momoa) plays nevertheless his younger brother. Speaking of age logistics (and I know movie business has been trying to mess with it for a while now, defying all reason), but do Atlanteans not age? Or is it a weirdly slowed down process? Because otherwise how is it that a 56-year-old (studiously un-aging) Nicole Kidman is playing a mother to 50-year-old Wilson and 45-year-old Momoa again? If Atlanteans don’t age, why are they all stuck at that specific age? If it’s slowed down, how does that work? Or does it simply stops at a certain age as Nicole Kidman and her agents would love you to believe? Especially since she was last seen in Expats playing a mother of a three-year-old. I’m sure there’s an audience out there for this sort of fare. Inf act, box office numbers tells us so. The movie has about doubled it’s 200-some million-dollar budget, despite rather underwhelming reviews. People want dumb. That much is obvious. Dumb and completely divorced from reality, despite a hastily thrown in environ=mental message. So if you’re in a mood for a Bro-ey (in every way possible, from the brothers drama to the ornamental uselessness of the female characters) extravaganza, go for it. Otherwise, you’re not missing much, outside of Momoa’s outsized charisma and musculature. |
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